Since starting this blog a couple of months ago, I have been fighting an internal battle with myself about whether it’s the right thing to be doing or not. On the one hand, I absolutely love connecting with people and am overjoyed that so many of you are relating to my experiences, whether you are parents or not. On the other hand, I have my two little boys and my partner who mean the world to me, and the thought of impacting them in any way fills me with anxiety. Thankfully my partner is very supportive about the whole thing and quite enjoys featuring as the loveable goofball in many of my posts. But my absolute worst nightmare would be my boys growing up with an image of their mother with her face in her phone, so I try very hard not to check social media while they are with me or take a billion unnecessary photos. I worry about this a lot. Every new ‘liker’ I get brings me a feeling of happiness closely followed by a ‘Gawd how many people do I want looking at my life!’ But having the opportunity to write for my own purpose is incredible, I’ve never done it before I’ve only ever written for school or uni – never just to express my own thoughts and feelings. I don’t have to follow any rules! The fact that people actually want to read it is amazing, and everyone has been so bloody supportive and kind. Sharing the funny stuff is easy, but putting your serious thoughts out into the world is quite terrifying, particularly when you’re someone who cares what other people think of you. And let me just say that blogging in a small country town is completely different to blogging in a big anonymous city, if I’m honest I have to admit I sometimes get a bit anxious walking down the street now, not knowing who is following along and who isn’t! Contrary to how it probably seems with all of my cyber over sharing, I actually hate being the focus of attention. I hate the thought of people looking at me. Put it down to all of my years as an uncoordinated giraffe and my propensity to attract embarrassing situations. It’s part of the reason Ash and I aren’t married – too many eyes! I’ll wet my pants when we actually do it! So there’s a bit of a common theme of anxiety coming through here – and I usually reserve my anxiety for health related issues (Dr Google has caused more sleepless nights than I care to mention!!) So I think to myself, is it worth it? But then I get a message from someone who has related to a story or some beautiful person comes up to me and introduces themselves, which is actually incredible, and I feel like it IS something worth doing. And the overwhelming feeling I’m left with is excitement. I actually feel excited because I feel a change coming on and I feel a part of it.

What’s changing is that people are sharing their feelings more, honest feelings about what’s really going on for them. They’re talking about it, they’re laughing, they’re feeling a tiny bit understood. And that’s just so important. It’s important because the decline in our mental health, as a human race, is nothing short of alarming. The statistics are brutal and as a parent it’s terrifying! We’re watching the news shaking our heads at terrorism, when some of our best and brightest stars are struggling through a silent epidemic that’s right under our noses. It’s creeping through towns and cities everywhere like the plague. I know I’m not immune to it, crikey if I look into the branches of my family tree, mental health issues are rife. If it were a type of reproductive cancer I’d be getting my bloody ovaries removed and having a full blown hysterectomy. But you can’t remove parts of your brain. You can’t remove your feelings or your worries or your serotonin gland (yeah probably not a thing). So the only thing I know of is to talk. Because, shit, words are powerful. So if it’s helping people, I’ll keep talking and sharing for a while yet.

There’s a fantastic quote by Maya Angelou – ‘People will forget what you did, people will forget what you said, but people will never forget how you made them feel.’ I love that quote, in fact it’s on one of my walls, but I disagree slightly in that I think people will remember what you said if it was something they really needed to hear at the time. You cannot underestimate the power of your words. There are things people have said to me over the years that I can remember vividly, though the person saying them probably has no recollection. If you’ve read my ‘Would you trade places with them?’ blog you’ll know what I mean. But on a smaller scale, last weekend my cousin (who does not have kids yet) was up from Melbourne, I was despairing at the state of my house and embarrassed that she would see it, but all she said was ‘You have two kids, if you’re house wasn’t a mess I’d be worried something was wrong’ – she would have no idea how much I needed to hear that simple sentence. I remember seeing an acquaintance in a fish and chip shop about a month after Bobby’s birth, I was knee deep in sleep deprivation and dirty nappies, and she said ‘Just survive. The first few months are f#$king hard, just take each day as it comes and survive.’ At that moment it was exactly what I needed to hear, so I remember it. Words are so, so powerful.

Not all of us are talkers though. I had the best catch up with a good friend this morning and it made me realize, we’re not all comfortable with talking and sharing. You’re either a talker or your not. So all of you talkers out there, it comes down to us to share the realities! Share the triumphs and frustrations, share the wins and the losses, share the exhaustion and worries. Because the non-talkers are listening and it’s making them feel better too.

I’ve gotta end abrubtly because Sid’s stirring and Bobby will no doubt wake any second. More on this to come, but in the meantime, thanks for the support. The words of encouragement you say to me are not only relished by myself, but by others who read them too – so thank you, thank you.

Back to it now.

Eliza xx