I haven’t posted anything for ages because I just haven’t had the urge, and as I’m trapped in the car with a sleeping baby I’ve been thinking about why.

Truly, the answer is that I’m equal parts busy with three kids, equal parts so bloody happy with my lot that I’ve abandoned all desire to vent my thoughts.

Jesus, what a smug mole.

But there’s the truth of it, I’m so damn grateful for my current situation that I just want to squeeze it all close and sniff the life out of it.

I don’t mean to say that everything is smooth sailing. I still lose my parenting mind habitually. The house and car are in a frightful state. My stomach is a deflated jumping pillow and I still have a penchant for conflating my worrries. But for some reason I find myself in this fresh perspective of ‘none of that matters’. What an epiphany! None of that matters!

I mean, who is this balanced person and where did she put Eliza?

I have a family. I have a house. I have friends. I have enough money. The sun is shining more. Meg is sleeping through the night. I can get up early to read again.

The other day I walked inside to find Bobby tucking Sid up on the couch with a blanket because he’d hurt his knee, Sid later bit him. Ash told me I’ve ‘bounced back well’ despite my still wearing high-waisted post-baby black undies and not fitting into my jeans or bras (say the words, fellas, say the words). I can go for a walk. I can drink coffee or wine with friends. Sid asks to hold mine or Ash’s finger ‘just for a little bit’ before he falls asleep.

These are things to be grateful for.

But what I’m possibly most grateful for, is that right now I’m in a position to appreciate them. I’ve got some mental clarity going on.

The stats about mental health problems are enough to GIVE you a mental health problem. Good lord. So I know enough to appreciate that right now someone reading this feels a little bit shit, or a lot shit. I know that in a months time, or tomorrow, or in a year, that could be me. Could be any of us.

But, from a positive perspective, I’m so glad there is increasing awareness and acceptance of the mental health spectrum we all move along. The pluses, the minuses, the fogs, and the clear, starry nights. We all move along that spectrum.

Each time someone shares their story, the good, the bad, the shame-inducing, the hilarious, they shine a light for someone else. A light to show them that darkness never lasts forever. I am really grateful to those people because who knows if it will be a light you or I will need in the future. Keep sharing.

For me, for now, I’m just going to keep putting time into those things that matter most to me.

Board games and adventures with the kids. Netflix and chills with the husband. Books more than phone. Walks more than runs. Weekends outside with friends and family.

The stuff that has always mattered most, I’m going to turn towards that for a while. I hope you are in a position to do the same. 💛

Eliza xx

*Sorry if this is a cringe post, catch me when I fall okay?