Now that it’s Saturday and the pressure of the weekday virus hotpot is hopefully turned down a notch, I want to share with you a couple of different reasons why you might be finding ‘homeschooling’ your child/ren to be a challenge – aside from the obvious stressors that are no doubt orbiting your house like an ever-tightening belt.

Firstly, call it home schooling, call it remote learning, call it online education, it’s all semantics to me. The main point is, you are being called to support your child’s learning in a way you never thought you would, under conditions you couldn’t have dreamt up.

And after a very short week of this type of learning, the challenges have become fairly obvious.

Our children do not view us as their teacher, despite the myriad of skills, love and knowledge we have bestowed upon them over their lifespan (EXTENSIVE, kids, extensive!). Snack-maker, yes. Hug-giver, yes. Bedtime-story-reader, yes. Fun-police, yes.

Teacher? Well, if you don’t work at their school and your name doesn’t start with a Mrs or Mr, then no, probably not. This already creates a difficult dynamic where a child has to transition between son/daughter and student. Where the heck does one start and the other end? We are all trying to figure that out.

Even as a very studious child, I can vividly remember the difficulty in having my Dad teach me for science in grade 6. I found the situation so uncomfortable that by the end of the first lesson I had told him to ‘Shut up!’, something I would NEVER have said to a teacher, and only rarely would have said at home (in the middle of a tween meltdown, perhaps). Of course this got me in trouble at school and then again at home when Mum found out. But I wasn’t trying to cause trouble, I just didn’t have a handle on what this new teacher/student relationship meant for me. The same confusion may well be happening for your child, only they very likely don’t have the words to talk about it.

Also, importantly, teachers do not just rock up to a classroom and start transplanting knowledge into the brains of their students. They spend weeks, months even, building rapport with each child. They plan, research, problem-solve and collaborate with other teachers to create lessons that meet the needs of their students. They stay awake at night, reflecting on what they can do better, how they can better help a particular child they know to be struggling, or how to extend one that keeps reaching further and further ahead. They conjure up all sorts of ideas about how to engage those students who are not buying in.

Teachers are still doing this, but must be feeling incredibly constrained, as they can’t be right there to see how each student is coping with the set tasks. For now, that’s part of our job.

We are the (mostly untrained) relief teachers being called in at 8 o’clock in the morning. So, as the parent of a younger student, that makes it my job to get my head around the daily plan, interpret what is being asked and deliver the lesson to my child. Even as a teacher myself, this is difficult because I didn’t write the lessons, I don’t know exactly what has been taught previously, and I don’t know how high my expectations should be. Plus, there’s that whole parent/child dynamic again.

Then there is the conundrum of how hard to push. Not very, is my answer.

When children are in a classroom, they are surrounded by their peers who are working on very similar tasks. They can observe what other students are doing and how much effort they are putting in. They can share ideas and ask each other questions –  in real time. Often, they learn as much from each other as they do from the teacher – it’s a natural, but very special thing to be a part of.

At home, they have no peers. No friends to laugh at their mistakes with. They just have you, sitting right there, ready to jump in and correct a mistake that probably isn’t important. I have had to remind myself constantly that just because Bobby can learn something, does not mean he should. He might be able to, but not ready. He could have learned to ride a bike with no training wheels when he was four, but he was not ready. He possibly could have been toilet trained at two and a half, but he was not ready. I have the same mentality when it comes to teaching him anything academic, if he can do something but it’s making him stressed, making it unenjoyable, he’s not ready. I drop the ball then, because in my view, this is not the time for extra stress. Writing the letter ‘c’ more neatly is just not that important. He will catch up when he gets back to his beloved teacher and has all of that wonderful peer support around him.

Lastly, in my ramblings for the day, there is the negative impact of social media comparison. Because you are going to see other parents posting fun activities they are doing with their children, and maybe even proudly displaying the achievements of their child’s work. I wholeheartedly put myself into this category because I share games and activities I do with my kids – but I hope I also show the reality that is me getting overwhelmed, the fact my house is a constant mess, and that most days we sit out the front in our driveway waiting with some desperation for Ash to return home. I do not share Bobby’s work because I don’t think that would be helpful – it would just add more fuel to the comparison monster. But suffice to say, he finds some areas of learning easier than others. Sight words for example, are something I take really slowly with him because I know it’s a prime example of ‘to go fast we must go slow’. He’s possibly behind other kids in this area, I don’t care. He has always loved learning by following his interests and I am determined not to kill that joy. Try to ease the pressure of comparison by reminding yourself what is really important. Is it that your child can read as many words as your friend’s kid, or is that your child feels successful and continues to grow their confidence and love of learning in their own way. The trees that grow the deepest roots will end up being the strongest. To go fast we must go slow. All of those great mantras.

I guess what I am trying to do through writing this, is unburden myself, and hopefully you, of the pressure that might be sitting on your shoulders. Take your time, do what you can and let go of what you can’t – it’s just not that important right now.

You are doing great!

Eliza xx