What a jazzy name for a blog post ha ha! Sorry, I write this lying squashed between two slumbering boys, having intended to post it straight to the socials but apparently it’s too long! So here it is as a proper blog entry.

Social skills.

I went through a stage about 12 months ago when I felt like it was more stressful taking my kids out to play than it was to stay home. My then 2.75 year old was having a hard time socialising in certain situations, often behaving too physically or becoming overwhelmed to the point of meltdown. I didn’t really know what to do, I just knew that I wasn’t having much fun and neither was he. I desperately wanted to help him, I wanted to teach him social skills and have him relax into social play like other children seemed to.

I tried to find books and articles that would help me solve ‘the problem’ myself, that’s my nature, but after finding precious little I was left to follow my own instincts. I was a bit lost but steadfast in my desire to support him as I would in any other area he needed help with (my kids = my 🌏, and all that).

I have since become more aware of this same need in other children, from toddlers through to primary aged children, and honestly probably adults. A desire to join in, an excitement for play, a desperation for friends, but a complete lack of skills in pulling it all together.

Some of you will have no idea what I’m yabbering on about probably, but if you are going through a similar patch with your child (quite often boys I think) these are some things that helped me (solely from the perspective of an untrained mother 😬):

• Do spend more time at home. Batten down the hatches for a bit, slow down your days and spend more time just in the family unit.

• Do say no to things that you feel will be too much for your child. It’s okay to say no.

• Socialise in smaller groups. It’s far easier for a child to interact and practise their social skills in a one-to-one situation. Give them every chance at success.

• Avoid play centres and fun factories like the plague, despite your child’s desperation to go. Too much noise, too many people, too much everything! Plenty of time for that later.

• Come from a place of understanding rather than frustration. I am still practising this one but I remind myself constantly that there is a feeling behind every behaviour. No child wants to be annoying (ok, look sometimes I think they do, but only to siblings and parents, not so much to their peers). A big hug and a talk later does a whole lot more than exasperated sighs or yelling (again, work in progress)

• Give them time. A lot if it is totally normal development. Celebrate small wins.

• Talk about feelings like you’d talk about a breakfast cereal, they’re that normal.

• Read books about feelings. My son loves reading his ‘when I’m feeling angry’ book. I’m sure it’s because he connects with it so well. We all just want to be understood.

• If a meltdown is coming, cut and run, people, CUT AND RUN. Try again next time.

• Treat social skills like any other skill. Some kids are natural readers, some are sporty, some are artistic. We’re not all natural at everything – if a kid had trouble reading we’d help them to learn. Social skills are just the same.

• Most importantly, embrace who they are and love them unconditionally. Let them know it constantly.

I am not a psychologist. I do not have training in this area. This advice comes purely from one parent to another because I know it can be super tough to watch your child struggle at what should be fun and natural – playing with other kids.

My sons are so little, they have so much time to learn, so many mistakes to make and meltdowns left to be had – but it is truly my pleasure to be their teacher. And nothing lights me up more than watching them interact with other kids.

We’ve got an important gig don’t we? First and most important teachers. ❤️❤️

Eliza xx