I’m someone who worries about the big things. Ash and I are total opposites in this respect, which is a very good thing because we balance each other out.

I worry about the kind of world our kids are growing up in; he worries about whether the sprinkler system will reach every blade of grass. That’s not to say he doesn’t worry about important things too, he’s just more practical – he focuses his energy on the things he can do something about, rather than the big stuff over which we have very little control. Is that a male thing? I’m not sure. But he’s pretty good at calming me down when my imagination runs away from me and I’m pretty good at encouraging him to stop sweating the small stuff. I say ‘pretty good’ because we’re not always as patient with each other as we should be.

When I told him I wanted to stop blogging he encouraged me not to. He thought it had been good for me, and people had been enjoying reading it. Win win. I tried explaining my concerns: I was feeling distracted from my role as a mother, I was scared that at some stage I would offend someone with my stories, I was worried I was ‘overexposing’ my children. I’d also read some horrendously mean interactions between bloggers and their followers and it freaked me out. This stuff was churning around in my brain. My big, cloudy, overthinking brain.

I put a fair bit of pressure on myself to do this mum thing properly (apart from housework, I’ll cut every corner you can imagine to get that stuff done). I want to be THE BEST mother. I want our babies to experience every ounce of love, attention, laughter, play and guidance that I can muster. So much so, that I do crazy shit like stopping the toddler from watching any television. Hello hell, is it me you’re looking for? I’d like to pretend I’m easy come, easy go with my parenting role, but the truth is I want to nail it. I don’t mean I want perfect kids, how boring and how unattainable, I just want to nurture their precious little souls so they’ll always feel comfy and confident in their own skin. As we all do.

So I stopped blogging. I was ready to focus on being an A Grade Mum (insert muscle emoji). I wrote this big ol’ post thanking everyone for their support and logged off Podgy Hodgy. I didn’t miss it for the first couple of weeks but then something would happen and I wished I could ‘log it’ in my virtual diary. I missed my outlet. And I’ve since realised a few things:

1. I deserve ‘me time’. Everyone deserves me time! So if my toddler catches me on my phone for 3 minutes while I put a post up, that is okay. Deep breaths Eliza, they won’t need therapy because you turned your attention from them for a few minutes. Or if they do, it’s probably because you stuffed something more major up – like not offering two meals at every dinnertime.

2. While I will always endeavour to be inoffensive in my posts, this blog is my story. Sometimes my story will go down a different path to other peoples stories. I will make different choices to other people. I will think different things to other people. I will even make different mistakes to other people. Hopefully those following along will read my blog in the good humour and warmth that it is intended in, and enjoy it as a ‘sometimes the same, sometimes different’ experience to their own.

3. While overexposing the kids still plays on my mind, I’m hardly blogging to the masses and I hope I never do. This is a technology-rich, over-sharing world and it’s okay to be a part of it. I’ve just got to get the balance of respectful humour right so my kids will look after me in old age, rather than posting photos of my own toilet mishaps.

So I’m back online and feeling like a complete loser for making a big deal about stopping, I AM ACTUALLY CRINGING WITH EMBARRASSMENT. Thank you to my dearest friend Katie for calling me out as the John Farnham I am because the idea makes me laugh rather than just feel like a dickhead*.

That’s how it is everyone. Sorry a million times for the stop starting shenanigans, I promise if I ever feel like stopping again I’ll just fade off into the abyss without a big song and dance.

You people are the warmest, loveliest bunch.

Eliza xx

*Apologies for the swearing. I don’t like swearing online but there’s really no other word for my actions.