I’ve just had to give myself a bit of a talking to for being somewhat of a cow to Ash. He’s away at a work conference for a couple of days and made the mistake of calling to check on us at about 8am this morning. ‘How’s everything?’ he asked, to which I MEANT to reply ‘All good, we’re missing you, looking forward to you getting home.’ 

To which I ACTUALLY replied something more like: ‘Well. Sid has been up since 5am, he’s just tipped his porridge on the floor, the house looks like the set of Home Alone (post Kevin defeating The Wet Bandits), I don’t know why we even have cupboards since our belongings seem permanently strewn across floor/table/couches, we’re due at the dentist in an hour, I haven’t showered and the car is covered in enough bird turd to be classified as a health risk. But it’s fine, we’ll manage!’ *dusts hands after landing giant stink bomb on Ash’s day*

‘Are you cross at me?’

‘Yes!’ 

I knew the absurdity of it all even as the words flew out of my mouth. What am I cross at him for? Because he’s not here, knee deep in porridge and nappies? Because he had the initiative to book Bobby a dentist appointment? Jeepers Eliza, you could do a lot worse!

I got off the phone with that yuck feeling reserved for cow-like behaviour and immediately messaged an apology. I was easily forgiven (I think) because he’s been here himself, he knows what it feels like. 

I think we’ve all experienced those moments of frustration that spill out as terse words and snappy replies, you’d have to be a saint to always operate in the realm of patience and calm. But it doesn’t feel good does it? To be cowish to your team mate.

I’m not offering any advice here (clearly!) but I guess it’s just something that’s on my radar, to pull myself up on a bit. It’s so easy to sink into the blame game, the ‘Who Does More War’, where NO ONE ever wins because the more you look for negativity the more you find (kind of like grey hairs) and I want no part of that. 

Because at the end of every day, I love my loud-laughing, lawn-obsessed larrikin of a partner, and I miss him when he’s not here. That’s what I wish I’d said on the phone.

So Ash if by chance you read this today, maybe cancel your one way ticket to the Middle East, which possibly seemed like a nicer option when you got off the phone this morning.

We kinda like you around here.

Eliza xx